Never Or Forever
by TanzMim
Summary: Edward died in an accident. But his body wasn't found. More than ever before, Bella wishes that the stories of the supernatural were true. Her family thinks she's delusional. But Bella can't shake the feeling that he's still out there. So she looks for him. But can she handle what she finds? NOT A CROSS-OVER. just my take on the Vampire-lore. R/R
1. 1 Feeling of loss Loss of feeling

NEVER OR FOREVER

1

"You're really coming?"

"Yeah, really."

"How come?" I asked, still not believing that he was coming home.

My husband Edward had been away on business for the last 6 months. I hadn't seen him since the day he'd left. And because of his hectic schedule, not to mention the time difference between China and USA, we'd seldom talked during the whole time. So it was quite unbelievable to me that he was truly, finally coming home.

"Baby, I told you remember that I'd be done within a week?" Edward's voice came over the phone.

"Yeah, but you said that 2 weeks ago," I reminded him. "And weeks before that, and weeks before that, and we…"

"Ok! Ok! I get it. But this time no joke. I'm really coming home. I'm already at the airport and about to board the flight. Bella, I'm coming home."

"I can't wait to see you."

"Nor I you. But I gotta go now, they're making the announcements," he said.

"Alright take care of yourself, I love you," I said, not wanting to hang up, but knowing that I have to.

"And I love you. See you in one and a half days."

And with that he hung up. Little did I know that that would be the last time that I'd talk to him.

Edward was supposed to arrive in the evening around 7. I'd wanted to go to the airport to receive him. But he didn't like the idea of me driving all the way from Forks to Seattle alone. So he made me promise not to go.

"Besides," he had said, "my car's still in the airport parking lot. I'll drive home. Don't worry. You know I don't have jet-lag issues."

I waited patiently up to 11 o'clock at night for him to come. I told myself maybe the flight got delayed or some thing. But as the clock hands neared midnight, I got more and more worried. I called him several times: no reply. Then my paranoia got the better of me and I started calling Ed's sister Alice, my sister Rosalie and finally Ed's best friend, and a cop, Jacob Black. Neither Alice nor Rose had had any contact with him lately, let alone today. Calling Jacob was a bust, because the first time I called him he didn't answer.

I was about to call Jacob again, when the doorbell rang. It was 1:30 in the night. The only person who could be ringing the door bell this late could be none other than my Edward. Thinking this, I practically flew downstairs and wrenched open the door.

It wasn't him. There were two police officers standing there. One of them was Jacob, tall tanned and looking extremely agitated, the other was Sam Uley, a big, burly, intimidating-looking guy.

Before I could say anything, Jacob spoke, "Bella, we need to talk. Can we come in?"

I didn't move from where I was standing; a terrible sense of foreboding had come over me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Bell…" Jacob began.

"No, tell me now," I demanded.

Jacob didn't respond, only kept staring at his feet. So Officer Uley took over. He was huge, taller than even Jacob, and that's saying something because Jacob's well over six feet. Officer Uley had a deep yet soothing voice and kind eyes.

"Mrs. Cullen, when was the last time you spoke to your husband?" he asked.

"Two days ago, when he was boarding a flight from China to come back home. Why?" my apprehension was growing with every word.

"Ma'am, what car does your husband drive?" he continued.

"A silver Volvo." O God, what had happened?

Officer Uley opened his notepad and held it up for me to see. "Is this the license plate number?"

"Yes. Will someone please tell me what's going on? What is all this? Where's Edward?" I snapped, looking from one to the other, now more than panicking.

Officer Uley looked at Jacob but he didn't lift his head. So latter continued, "I'm sorry to tell you this ma'am but there's been an accident, and your husband's car seems to have been involved in it."

I couldn't believe this was happening. In just a few minutes, my world had gone from picture perfect to a pile of smoldering ruins. I couldn't think; I don't even know how I was still standing. I focused on the flashing red and blue lights of the police car; it was all I could do to stay conscious.

"What do you mean 'seems to have been involved'?" I somehow managed.

Finally Jacob spoke, "About an hour ago, highway patrol call in a frontal collision on the Seattle-Forks road. A silver Volvo and a VW van. When we got there we saw that both cars had rolled into the ditch on the side of the road."

Jacob paused. I didn't say anything, just kept looking at the red-blue lights.

"We're still working on getting the cars out of the ditch," he paused again. "Bella, I…" he didn't continue. I finally looked at him. He was looking down again; tears were rolling down his cheeks. So I turned to Officer Uley.

"Do you have any idea when this happened?" I asked. Uley was taken aback by my calmness. Hell, even I was amazed at the sound of my voice, it sounded so distant and cold.

"Highway patrol thinks it may have happened 3 maybe 4 hours before they called it in," came the reply. "Mrs. Cullen, you ne…"

"Need to prepare myself because you're not hopeful about survivors. I get it," I finished for him. "Please don't say 'I'm sorry for your loss'. Wrong thing to say right now," my voice was getting steelier and steelier with every word. I was getting afraid of the sound of my own voice.

Jacob opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off with a shake of my head.

"I need to be alone right now," I practically whispered, not trusting the monstrous sound that may come out at proper volume. "Please."

"We'll keep you posted," Officer Uley said nodding. With that he turned to go pulling Jacob after him.

I closed the door, but didn't move from there. I just didn't know, couldn't figure out what to do next.


	2. 2 I've become so Numb

2

I didn't sleep last night. How could I? It just seemed so stupid to sleep when my husband could possibly be dead. I'm not sure how long I stood at the door. I just remember that at some point, I moved, I went up to our bedroom and sat down on my side of the bed. I couldn't even turn and look at his side, I couldn't. I felt it would be too terrible if I did.

There's a picture of our wedding on the bedside table. I picked it up and looked at him in it. I just kept staring at him. I still hadn't been able to completely wrap my head around what Jacob and Uley had said. There's a possibility, I didn't want to even think about it, but there was a very real and very massive possibility that I'd never see my Edward ever again. I couldn't believe, I didn't want to believe that I'd never see those green eyes looking at me ever again; that I'd never run my fingers through that shock of copper hair ever again; that I'd never hear him call my name ever again; that I won't wake up next to him and see him smile in his sleep ever again.

We'd been married for barely three years. Our 3rd anniversary was two months later. Just two days ago I was ardently hoping that Ed would be here with me on the day, and now…

What do I do? How do I face his family? How do I tell them that Ed could be…

_No he's not,_ I told myself firmly. _What's the matter with you_, I asked myself_, they said that his car 'seems to have been' involved in the accident. Maybe he wasn't even in the car, maybe it was stolen._

_Then why isn't he home yet?_ A voice spoke up in my head.

If he really was gone, then I had to be the one to break the news to everyone. After all Ed was, no, is my husband.

I thought about Alice, the ever cheerful, bubbly girl with the pixie haircut. We'd been best friends for the past 8 years, since the first day of high school. It was through her that I first met her brother, Edward.

I thought of Charlie and Renée Cullen, his parents. Charlie, our loving, bear-like, universal daddy. And Renée, clumsy, cheerful, bird-like Renée They helped Mum cope when Dad walked out on us when I was 15 and my sister Rosalie was barely 17. They helped me and my sister cope when Mum died one and a half years ago.

I even thought of my sister Rosalie, tall and blonde, a spitting image of Dad. She's a softy, Rosalie, she'd barely gotten used to Dad being gone when Mum died, and she hadn't yet gotten used to that. And now this!

How was I supposed to tell them all that Edward could be gone? Forever? How?

I'd just set the picture down on the bedside table and called Jacob. He picked up after the first ring,

"Bella? Its 4 a.m. What is it? Are you alright?"

"Did you call Charlie or Alice or anyone and tell them?" I asked in a flat tone without any preamble.

"No, not yet. I'm not sure how to tell them", he mumbled.

"Don't. I'll tell them. He's my husband, I'll tell them."

"Bella are you sure?" he asked shaken by the composed sound of my voice.

"He's my husband, I'll tell them", I repeated. "How far along have you gotten? Did you get the car out?"

"They just got the van out. They're working on the car now", he said.

"Can't you hurry them up? He could still be alive in there", I almost yelled.

"Bella, it's been almost 8 hours. I don't think…"

"People stay alive for days under tons of rubble, Jacob. So don't tell me you don't think he's still alive." I said fiercely. This time I did yell. I calmed myself again. "Please get them to hurry up and please keep me posted."

"Okay." He said quietly.

"Thanks," and I hung up.

About two hours had passed since I'd yelled at Jacob. I was still sitting on the bed with my back to his side. I'd spoken to Jacob twice in this space of time. The last time we spoke, he called me, and told me that they'd gotten the car out.

"But, there is something", he paused.

"What?" I asked.

He didn't speak immediately.

"Jacob, what is it?' I asked, not knowing what to expect.

"The car is empty."

Did I just hear him correctly? "I'm sorry. What?"

"The car is empty", he repeated.

My mind had gone blank. I didn't know what to think. "I don't understand."

"The car's pretty banged up. The windshield is absolutely shattered. And," he blurted out. Then he paused; I could hear him take a deep breath to steady himself to say the next few lines. "Bella, there's a lot of blood on the driver's seat. All of Ed's stuff, his luggage, coat, phone, everything is still in the back seat but he's not there."

I had nothing to say. My head was buzzing. I didn't know what to make of this.

"Bella, you still there?" Jacob asked anxiously.

"Yeah," I said weakly. "What now?"

"We think that maybe due to the impact of the fall, he may have broken through the windshield and fallen further down the ditch."

"That-that's not possible. Edward always wore his seatbelt. And shouldn't the air-bag have absorbed the impact?" I asked still trying desperately to make sense of it all. I was shaking my head vigorously; as if that would sort things out and have them make sense.

After a long pause, during which Jacob cleared his throat several times, he finally spoke in a deliberately calm voice," the seatbelt was torn in half and the air-bag had burst. Bella, listen to me, we are going to take K-9 units and go down there and search the whole area. But it's quite wooded down there and lots of scavenging animals live there. Even if there was hope earlier, there isn't any now."

"You really don't think he's alive any more?" I asked in a small voice.

"No. I'm so, so sorry Bella. We're gonna do everything we can to find his", Jacob paused a bit before he said, "body."

"Okay. Let me know." And I hung up.

For the second time in one night, I lost everything, every hope, every reason to live, all over again.

**A/N: So this is Chapter 2. Thanks to everyone for reading my stuff. You're too kind. I hope you'll keep reading and spreading the love. Sorry that the update is sooooo late. I promise next updates will be sooner. So hope you've enjoyed. R/R.**


	3. 3 Time to face the music

3

I couldn't be in our room anymore. There were memories of him everywhere I looked, and it was causing me actual physical pain to be around all of the things that reminded me of him. I went as far away as I could from all of it, without leaving the house. I couldn't even imagine leaving the house. For some reason I kept thinking that Edward was going to come home any moment now. What if he came and I wasn't there? So I couldn't leave the house.

I went into the guest room and sat there. But that framed painting of the country-side that hung next to the wardrobe, was painted by him. So I went into the guest bathroom. No reminders of him in here. Just plain, sterile-looking white tiles everywhere. I think that's when the full force of it all hit me, the emptiness. Because I just collapsed on the floor. I didn't cry, to be honest, I'm not sure I could have even if wanted to, and I'm not sure if I wanted to. I just lay there. Even in those sterile white tiles, I could see his face. And I just kept staring at the pale, so very pale, image that I imagined was there.

There was a ringing somewhere, a persistent, annoying ringing that itself didn't go away but made Ed- his image, disappear from the tiles.

I finally realized it was the kitchen phone ringing. Slowly, agonizingly, I got up and made to go downstairs. As I passed the hall clock, I saw it was a quarter to eight. The last time I spoke to Jacob was around 6 a.m. I'd been lying on the bathroom floor for almost two hours. But it didn't seem like that long to me. I went into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

"Bella, where the hell were you? I've called like three times already", came the rather frantic sound of Alice's voice.

It was then that I realized that I hadn't yet told anyone about what had happened.

"Bella are you listening? Where's Ed? Is he home? I've tried his cell a million times but it goes straight to voicemail. What's going on?" Alice said, all of it in one breath.

"Alice, I need you and Jasper to come over as soon as you can. Can you do that?" I said keeping my voice as calm as I could.

"Of course, it's Sunday. But Bella, what's going on?" she asked, suddenly alert.

"Something bad has happened, and I need to tell you this in person. So please," I said.

"Alright, we're coming over right now.' Her voice was full of apprehension as she said this and hung up.

The next thing I did was to call Charlie and tell him and Renée to come over as soon as they could. I told him it was bad news but I didn't tell him what. These things are best said face to face.

Then I took a deep breath and called Rosalie.

My sister Rosalie Swan-Hale and her husband Emmett Hale lived in Jacksonville. They'd gotten married straight out of high-school and had moved there last year after Emmett got a great job at a law firm there. Although Emmett was a lawyer, he looked nothing short of a pro-wrestler. He's huge and well-built and looked like an over-sized G. I. Joe action-figure, except that his hair was a curly bush instead of close-cropped. Of course Rose too looked like a super model instead of the housewife and mother of two-year old twins that she was.

The phone rang a couple of times before it was received.

"Hello", came my sister's voice; she sounded out of breath.

"Hey Rose." I said keeping my voice level, which was surprisingly easy.

"Bells. Hey, how are you?" she panted.

"Rose what's wrong? Are you alright?" and I almost laughed out loud at the irony of the situation. Here I was, calling my big sister to tell her that my husband was dead and instead I was asking her if she was fine.

"I'm fine. Just chasing Seth and Leah all over the house. Its bath time but those two seem to be in the mood for a game of Hide 'n' Seek. I tell you the older they're getting the more unmanageable they're becoming." She paused for breath. Noticing that I wasn't speaking she said, "Hey, why so glum, chum? Is everything alright?"

I didn't answer immediately. When I did I said, "No. nothing's alright."

"Bells what's going on?"

"Ed… came back from China yesterday." I started but couldn't finish. I was finding it hard to tell her this, she was just so soft. I wish I didn't have to tell her.

"That's good, right?" she asked, unsure.

"On his way back from the airport, from Seattle, he got into an accident on the highway, with another car."

"Oh my God! Is Edward alright?" Rose asked, her voice had already become unsteady.

"No." I said quietly. "The cars fell into a ditch at the side of the road. They've pulled the cars out but he wasn't in his car. They think he may have broken through the windshield and fallen down into the wooded area further down the ditch." I stopped to inhale deeply. How am I talking so calmly? Am I going mad to be talking so calmly in a situation like this?

"Bells! Oh my God, bells! Bella, oh God, I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" she choked out. From her voice I could tell she was tearing up.

"I'm- they've taken dogs to find hi- the body. They don't think he's alive anymore." I said avoiding her question.

"Oh God! We're coming over by the next flight", Rose said in between sobs.

That's what I was afraid of. This is hard enough as it is; I don't need the added burden of babysitting my elder sister along with this. "No, Rose, please don't. I can't handle this right now."

"Of course you can't. That's why you need someone with you right now." She wailed.

"No Rose, _you_ need someone with you when you cope. I don't. I just need to be alone, please" I begged her.

"Bells, you're not thinking straight. You…"

I cut her off, "Rose, you know me. Please leave me be. If I need you, I'll call. Promise."

"But Bella…"

"Rose please. Just let me be", I yelled into the mouthpiece of the phone.

This seemed to knock some sense into her. "Okay, if that's what you want. But please, please call if you need me. I'll be there in a flash, okay? Promise?"

"Yeah, I will. Promise. Umm, I need to go. I haven't told the others yet. They'll be here soon." I said not wanting to talk anymore.

"Okay. You take care of yourself. Call me whenever you want to." She said.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye." She said in a small voice.

As I put down the receiver of the phone I wondered if I really wanted to be alone. I still held the belief that Edward was still alive, while the circumstances, all of them, showed otherwise. Should I really be alone with a mindset like this?

One thing I knew for sure. As much as I loved my sister, she was the last person I wanted near me right now. Because instead of her comforting or consoling or taking care of me, I'd be the one comforting, consoling and taking care of her. And I knew I couldn't handle that.

After I spoke to Rose, I called Jacob. But there was no new news. They were still searching the woods with the dog-squad. Jacob said he'd let me know as soon as progress was made. I hung up and wondered what to do. The others would be hear soon and I'd have to go through the whole routine all over again. I couldn't help but let out a long breath and think, _Lord help me!_

About half an hour after I'd talked to Jacob, I heard two cars pulling up in front of the house almost simultaneously. The Whitlocks and Cullens have arrived. Time to face the music.

**A/N: So here's Chapter 3. Thanks so much to all for sticking with me. I'm trying to be regular but my university schedule is killing me. And I know things are running a little dry but i promise the pace is going to pick up. hugs to all who review.  
**


	4. 4 Where the hell is Edward?

**4**

Breaking the news to Ed's side of the family was not easy. Renée completely broke down; Charlie was badly shaken too. Who wouldn't be - Edward's their only son. But being the ex-sheriff, Charlie handled it better. So he was there for Renée. Alice was at first too shocked to show any reaction. But then she broke down too. She cried quietly, unlike her mother, with her arms around her husband Jasper, the war-hardened ex-Marine. He'd been to Iraq twice. The scars from then are still clearly visible. They make him look frightening. But this blond man is one of the most compassionate and gentle people I've ever known. The fact that he was no stranger to loss showed in the way he held Alice and comforted her.

No one said anything about my dry eyes. They knew I loved Edward dearly; but they also understood that I had a different way of mourning. Yeah, I had cried when Mum died, but this is so much different from that. I need to feel something to cry, and when mum died I felt grief; so I cried. But now, I feel nothing; just… numb.

Both Alice and Renée volunteered to stay with me. But I managed to fend off Renée's proposal. While Renée was a great person, she'd just lost her son. She needed taking care of and I'm not sure I was the right person to do that. Evidently Charlie thought so too because he fought against his wife's suggestion with as much force as I did. But I couldn't sway Alice. She said she would and did stay with me. Jasper didn't mind, instead he encouraged Alice. She stayed with me for 17 days after which I literally pushed her out the door. She still spends most of her time at our house, but at least now she's living in her own home again.

It's been 3 weeks since that horrible night. Throughout this time I'd spoken to Jacob at least a hundred times, each day. I was on the phone with him practically every minute that they searched the wooded parts of the ditch. So far, they had found nothing, not even a scrap of cloth. I'd watched enough CSI to understand how things were being done. 10 days after the accident, I was asked to go down to the station and identify the things from the car as Edward's. I refused to leave the house and nothing anyone said changed my mind. Finally Officer Uley brought photographs of all the things for me to see and I identified it all to be my husband's. That was on the 14th day.

Yesterday, Jacob came over and told me that DNA tests had confirmed the blood on the driver's seat to be Edward's.

"So now we know that he was, at least, terribly injured when the seat-belt snapped and he broke through the windshield", Jacob said. He'd come back today to have another one of our, as we called it, "talks".

I'd made him swear to discuss every detail of the case with me dispassionately, as if this was just another case which was not even slightly related to us. Oddly enough, this angle was working remarkably well for both of us. Jasper called it our coping mechanism, Renée thought it was madness, Charlie agreed with Jasper and told her to leave us be, and Alice always made herself scares whenever Jacob and I sat down to talk. When I told her, Rose just thought for a while and said, "Whatever floats your boat, honey."

"But where did he fall?" I asked.

"That, right there, is the million dollar question!" was Jacob's declaration.

"People just don't get into accidents and disappear, Jacob."

"I know", he huffed out a breath; "it just doesn't make sense."

"None of it does. From the beginning to now, none of it does." I said, burying my head in my hands.

For the last hour, we'd been going over every detail that had been discovered in the last 14 days.

"So," I said for the umpteenth time, "according to you, judging by the damage done to each car, both cars would've had to have been going at a speed of well over 100 miles per hour to have collided…"

"Head on."

"…head on, to do that kind of damage to each other." I said.

"Which couldn't have been because according to the impound technician, the VW van had an engine so old and not-taken-care-of that it could hardly have reached a top speed of 60 miles per hour", Jacob said, lying straight on the living room sofa and covering his eyes with his right arm.

"Right. Meaning the Volvo had to have been going at around 200 miles per hour, which is impossible because that 2008 Volvo C30 T5 has a top speed of 134 miles per hour" I said. I'd learned that from Edward shortly after he had bought the car.

"Either or, it's impossible because from Seattle to where we found the cars, within that distance, at least one highway patrol car would have called in an incident of speeding and the last such recorded incident on that day was a black Audi A8 at about 11:30 AM." Jacob was now sitting up straight, again.

"Yes. Plus the only way for the cars to have fallen into the ditch was if they had tried to swerve away from each other to avoid collision. But the smashed up fronts of both cars clearly show that that's not the case. And you say there are no trees within 15 feet of where you found the cars."

"That's right. So the cars must've had a full frontal collision. Then, how'd they fall into the ditch?" Jacob said looking just as baffled as he had a week ago when we first started "talking".

"More importantly how did both cars end up on the same side of the road? Cars in such situations swerve away from each other, not towards definite doom, especially in the same direction. There should have been one car on each side of the road, facing opposite directions, not one car on top of the other like a pile-up!" I exclaimed with vehemence.

"I know. God, ugh…" was all Jacob could manage for a while.

And then…

"And where the hell is Edward?" we roared simultaneously.

**Author's Note:**** I am soooooooooooooo SORRY for the delay. it's been a CRAZY couple of days. But things are quite sorted out now. I'll try to upload the next chapter soon. LOVE you all for reading my stuff. Please read and review. And again SO SORRY!**


	5. 5 Dreams

**5**

"Bella…"

"Edward?"

"Bella! BELLA!"

"Edward, where are you?"

The fog was so thick. I couldn't see 5 inches in front of me. I turned this way and that, but still could see nothing. I could still hear him call out to me. I looked and looked trying to find him. I felt that if I could just find him, he'd be back and all will be well. But where is he calling me from?!

Just then, as I turned around, the fog thinned a little. There he was, right there, 6 feet away from me. My Edward. He saw me and within a fraction of a second, the look of hopeless despair in his eyes disappeared. He reached his hand out to me. But just as I started towards him, the fog closed in on me as if it was something living and evil, and stopped me from getting to him.

"Edward…" I cried out, but I wasn't sure I even produced any sound. The fog was too thick and solid and suffocating.

"Bella, find me…" his voice came from a great distance and it was getting farther and farther away, fading with every syllable he spoke.

"Find me…"

My eyes popped open. I was lying in bed, soaked with sweat, the sheets wrapped around me in a tightly tangled knot. There was no fog, no evil solid blackness pushing me away from Edward. It was just a dream…

Today was supposed to be our 3rd anniversary. 2 months have passed since that horrible night. But for the last month, I've had this same dream, every night without fail. And every night I've woken up sweating, and then cursing myself for not being able to go back to sleep later; for not being able to find Edward, for not bringing him back.

I just can't shake the feeling that my dreams aren't dreams, that they actually are messages from Edward and that he isn't dead but out there somewhere, lost, and hoping that I would find him. But how can I find him in real life when I can't even find him in my dreams — or whatever they are?!

Initially, I'd told Alice and Rose about these — "visions" — but they told me that I was still in denial and that these would go away if I spoke to a professional about it. At least that was Rose's polite way of saying that I needed a shrink.

Alice agreed saying that it was PTSD and that Jasper had dreams like mine too when he returned from Iraq the last time before he took early retirement. But I remained unconvinced. I believed from the bottom of my heart that these were no PTSD-dreams, but once both Alice and Rose started insisting that I go to a shrink, I stopped telling them about it. For the past week I'd been convincing them that the dreams are gone and that I sleep normal now.

When they first began, I wondered why I hadn't had these dreams before. Then I realized that I had hardly slept at all for about a month after the accident. And I manage to sleep now because I haven't set foot in our room since that night that Jake and Uley told me of the accident. Too many painful memories in there. I had Alice get some of my stuff from there and then I moved into the guest room. When Alice was here, we shared. Now she's gone, but I still stay in the guest room.

I moved that picture he drew from the room. Now this was my sanctuary in a house that was chock full of memories that were once dear, but are now torturous. Yet nothing would induce me to leave the house. Because I was a house wife, I wasn't missing work and I had all the groceries delivered to the house. I didn't need to go out of the house. I haven't stepped out once in the last 2 months and now that I have these visions where I can't find Edward, I won't leave the house because if I'm here, _he _could find me.

"But Bella you have to step out of the house, at least today", Jake said in a pleading tone. He and I had become quite close over the last 2 months. He'd come over half an hour ago to talk me into going to La Push beach, where there was going to be a big bonfire and all. Jake was Quileute, and knew well, from Ed probably, that I liked indigenous culture.

The search in the woods of the ditch was, as Jake had said, a bust. They searched the whole area and, let alone a body, there wasn't even a scrap of cloth to be found. It was agreed that this was very strange, hell; the whole thing was one big unexplainable mess. But the police had done their best, "in the first instance"; now all they could do was, well, nothing. While the whole circumstances of the accident were pretty weird, it was clearly so bad that no living being could have survived. So nothing remained for anybody to do.

"Come on, please come. Everyone else is going, Alice, Jazz, Charlie, Renée, my Dad. Come on, please go."

And right on cue, the aforementioned persons, barring Jake's Dad, literally burst into the house (without knocking, if I may add) and created an almighty hubbub to convince, plead and wheedle me into going to the bonfire with them.

"Come on Honey, come with us", coaxed Renée.

"You can't stay indoors for ever Bella, it's not healthy", reproved Charlie.

"Charlie's right. Cabin fever will set in that's got very undesirable results. You must step out", Jasper coolly stated.

"You have to come Bells. I know how much you love the folklore. There are going to be stories, right Jake?" Alice looked at the large guy standing next to me and he nodded.

"Yeah, stories. Quileute lore on vampires and werewolves. You'll like 'em. Right?" Jacob asked the room at large.

"Of course she'll like them." said Alice. Then turning to me, "Please Bella, come", she begged.

This type of "requesting" went on for another half hour; no one paused for breath, or even to let me reply. Finally, at around 6 in the evening, I held up my hand. Every one stopped in unison and looked at me expectantly.

"Fine, I'll go." I said, "But only to shut you guys up".

"I don't care why you're going. You're going, that's what matters," Renée said. I suppose making sure that each and every single one of us was out and about was her way of coping with her loss.

"Yes! Agreed." The three men said simultaneously.

"Come on then." And with that Alice pulled me upstairs to get ready. And while I was changing, and while we were driving over to La Push, I pondered the real reason why I was going, why I let my family and friend rant for half an hour without stopping them. It was what Jake had said about the stories, "Quileute lore on vampires and werewolves". What if these things were real, I mean _where there's smoke, there's fire, _right? So what if they were real and what if that's why I was having these visions? The answer to finding Ed could be in the stories. I know I sound crazy, but dammit I love Edward, and if he is out there, and I know he is, then I will leave no stone unturned to find him.

**Author's Note:**** S****o chapter 5****. I know that I'm really really late but please try and understand. I have to cope with final year Law classes, and that is no easy feat ****—**** I'm up to here in legal notes and books!**

**Plus I don't have a PC of my own, it's shared. So I don't get a chance to use it often.**

**So please forgive my tardiness. I will try to upload regularly, but I withdraw the promise i made earlier about 'sooner uploads', and say instead: no promises about the regularity of the chapters.**

**:(**

**SORRY. Please read and review. There's going to be some developments in the following chapters.  
**


	6. 6 Beach, bonfire & a new face

**6**

La Push's first beach.

I've played here as a child; I've come here to surf as a teen; I've had whale-watching trips here with Edward. Now I'm here again — that too with an absurd idea — for the first time in almost a year. I haven't stepped out of the house in the last two months and in the six months prior to that, when Edward was in China, it just didn't feel right coming here without him.

The beach hadn't changed a bit since I was last here. It was around 7 in the evening on a mid- March day. The sun was about to set, and in the glow of the setting sun, the sand on

The crescent shaped beach looked like gold-dust. All the driftwood that was lying around on the beach looked like they were coated with a similar dusting of the precious metal. Many of the Quileute families were already gathering around what looked like the makings of a massive bonfire. There was warmth and friendliness radiating from every particle of the place. All in all, a magnificent sight and surrounding and I saw it all, but felt nothing.

I felt like an intruder. Here was everyone I loved and or knew, come together to enjoy themselves and lose themselves in fairy-tales and legends. And what was I doing? I was here with the sole "purpose" of finding a way to find my dead husband and prove to myself that my dreams are actually visions of the supernatural and that I'm not going nuts after all, that Jasper isn't right and cabin fever has not kicked in. And where was I intending to find these answers and solutions? In "fairy-tales and legends", "Quileute lore on vampires and werewolves"!

Yep! Definitely not nuts at all…

"Bella, good to see you. It's been too long", Jacob's dad Billy Black boomed.

Billy was exactly as I had last seen him, 3 years ago, on our wedding day. Black hair, black eyes, a wide warm smile and an air of calm but firm authority that quite inexplicably (to me) always surrounds him. This was the second time I was meeting him, but I had spoken to him several times on the phone over the last few months. Edward and Jacob had been friends since they were babies, so Ed was like another son to him. So it was a given that he'd want to check up on me. The man was confined to a wheelchair due to high diabetes, or else I'm sure he would have come down to see me. He's just that sort of guy. He's another reason why Jacob dropped by so often.

"Billy, its great to see you", I said as bent to hug him.

"You look too pale and too thin. You need to get out more often, kid. Right Charlie?" Billy shot at his friend. I'd forgotten that Charlie and Billy were great pals.

"Yes and hopefully, now our Bells will be stepping out quite frequently. Right kiddo?" Charlie asked, looking at me expectantly.

But before I could answer, I was spared the trouble to do so by a female voice that said,

"Will you two quit smothering the girl? She's been confined within a house for 2 whole months. I think she has had enough suffocation for a while. Let the girl do what we all came here to do tonight."

When I looked at the owner of the voice, I saw a woman of about 40. She was pretty and fit but looked weather-beaten, as if she spent a lot of time out of doors. She was tanned, which supported this theory, but did not have the Russet skin-tone of the Quileutes. I guessed she wasn't a member of the tribe, but a visitor who'd come to hear the stories.

"And what exactly did we all come here to do tonight, Professor/" asked Billy.

"To breath in the fresh salty air and listen to some good tribal lore about the supernatural, of course", the 'Professor' said matter-of-factly.

"And it's Sue, not 'Professor'", she added. "So shall we begin _Mr. Black_?" she said Stressing the 'Mr. Black' part, with a smile playing at the corner of her lips.

"Of course, Sue. And it's Billy not 'Mr. Black'", countered Billy.

At this point, some one from the crowd near the fire asked who would tell the first story of the night. Billy suggested it be Sue, but she said she only knew the European lores and that she was more interested in hearing the local legends. After a little back and forth, it was decided that Billy would get things started and "then we'll see who happens next."

The sun had already set and it was already quite dark. It was starting to get rather chilly so everyone got as close to the gigantic fire as they could without burning themselves. My family, Jacob and I sat at Billy's left.

I asked Alice who Sue was and found out that she was Professor Clearwater, an Occultologist who was a visiting the various tribes in Washington to gather folklore. Apparently she was writing a book about supernatural beliefs and lores from around the world. Renée chirped in that for the last year or so, she'd been traveling to some very remote areas of the globe to this effect. That explained the weather-beaten impression I'd gotten earlier. Then Charlie told me that she was staying at Billy's house as his guest for the duration of her research here.

When I asked how she knew about me, Charlie looked quite sheepish and said he and Billy had told her when he went to visit Billy a week ago.

"But that was only because she asked as she heard us talking about you, sweetie", he said apologetically. "That's when we got the invite to today's event".

"She's not nosey or anything, just seemed genuinely concerned", he added hastily.

"Charlie, it's OK. I'm not mad. I know you all only have my best interest in mind", I told the dear older as I gave his hand a reassuring 'I'm-really-not-mad-I mean-it' squeeze. He smiled and relaxed.

After that, I didn't get a chance to ask anymore questions because everyone had settled down and Billy was getting ready to start the story-telling.

**Author's Note:** **OK, so I know I had disappeared****. But in all fairness, I did say I can't be very regular. And I do have very good excuses pulling this Houdini thing: I had exams, a pretty big occasion to co-organize and co-manage** **and multiple crises that would actually make for a pretty good story...**

**But 'nuff said. I have introduced a key character in this chapter. There's going to be lot for the Professor to do in the coming chapters. Mm hmm. And i know it's dry but this is just laying the foundation for what comes next. So please read and review. Virtual 'non-fattening but still tastes amazing' BROWNIES to everyone who reviews. xx :-D xx**


	7. 7 Legends 1

** 7**

"Thousands of winters before the arrival of the White 'Drifting-House' people, or as we call them, ho-kwats", began Billy, "the Quileute Indians and the ghosts of their ancestors lived and hunted here. For as long as the ageless memory of legend recalls, the Quileutes flourished in this territory. Many say our kind is seeped in mystery and mysticism. But our beginnings are far more mystical than anything these people can perceive.

"Our beginning happened through the acts of a transformer. His name was Q'wati, and he was an, um, illustrious fellow. He traveled all over the planet, going here and there and everywhere; doing all manners of stuff, this and that and what not!"

As Billy spoke, he made great grand gestures with his hands as if he was himself Q'wati, and he was doing 'this and that and what not'. It actually made me smile, genuinely for once. And the deep bass tones of his voice seemed to lend just the right feel to the story and set the mood better than I had expected.

"Q'wati was no ordinary traveling transformer. He liked to dabble in different things and experiment a lot. He was a very wise man and so he considered animals of all other kinds to be beneath him and meant for his amusement. So he would, for lack of a better term, play with them. He gave the beaver his tail and stuck horns, or as we call 'em today, antlers on the deer. He even tried to make man out of dirt. But as soon as they came in contact with water, they become globs of moving mud until they were swept away by the currents.

"In this manner Q'wati created, modified and generally experimented while traveling around. Once, during a time we presume to be the end of his travels, Q'wati came to the mouth of the Quileute River. Here he looked about and for all his searching, not one man could he find in the whole land.

"And then he saw them, a pair of majestic wolves had walked up to him and were watching him intently. These wolves were not like the other dumb animals that he had encountered and played with before.

"No, the two had intelligent eyes, eyes that said 'Hello, and what precisely are you?' Q'wati felt a kind of energy and promise radiate from these wolves. And this energy and promise gave him a tremendous idea.

"Focusing on the two wolves, Q'wati spoke some word. And then…" and here Billy stops. Suddenly I was in La Push. I'd completely forgotten that I was in the present, listening to some old stories. The way Billy told the story, I'd been transported to the time of Q'wati; I was right there as he stared into the intelligent eyes of the wolves, I was right there as he spoke the words and…

"And what?!" I asked, in unison with a few other listeners. Billy sure knew how to build up the anticipation.

The story-teller smiled widely and knowingly, as if to say 'mission accomplished', and continued,

"And then the transformation took place. In the place of two wolves, stood two humans. And these humans did not melt with water. Q'wati was pleased with his creations and so he decided to stay and teach his creations all that they needed to know.

"He told them that they would be strong and brave. He watched over them so that they could grow tall. He taught them how to be civilized and how to gather food and build shelter. He told them that they can only take one wife. If one became chief, then he would be allowed to have several wives, but no more than eight, though that we no longer practice", Billy added conspiratorially. This little comment was met with some laughter.

"Thus the Quileute were born", Billy continued, "over the centuries that have flown by, we have faced many a trial and tribulation, but still we have grown and prospered and become a great nation. Many of us modern men think of this story of our origin as just a myth. But if it were true, then we are forever indebted to Q'wati for our being."*

With this Billy black finished his story about the origin of the Quileute people.

"So did the men have the ability to turn back into their old wolf form?" Sue asked once the applause after the story's end had died down.

"Not that I know of, Sue", Billy replied, "if they did, they didn't pass it down to us".

"So you're not werewolves?" she asked.

"No", Billy said, "sorry".

"Hmm", she sighed. Then she perked up and asked, "So got any vampire, or not, stories?"

"No Sue. Despite the popular belief that were wolf related stuff exists, blood-sucker related stuff must also exist, we have no such legends".**

"So sad, too bad", Sue said in a sing-song voice. Everyone laughed at her expression of mock-misery.

"Now ladies and gentlemen, Professor Sue Clearwater will be gracing us with a story that she gathered during her travels", Billy announced.

"Oh, Billy! Come on", Sue said rolling her eyes, "I'm not a story-teller".

"Hey, neither am I, but you wheedled the first story out of me. Now it's your turn".

Once again there was bantering, but this time Billy, and several others, including my family and friends, who wanted to hear Sue, came out victorious.

"Ok fine. I'll tell you all a story. Its one of the first I heard, when I was a kid. An uncle of mine told it to me. I don't know if he made it up or if it is in fact real, but I remember every detail clearly. This is my most favorite story and this is the one that got me started on my occult-obsession. So here goes".

And with this Sue took a deep breath and started her narrative in pin-drop silence.

"Thousands of years ago, in a distant land there was a tiny village. It was an isolated place, no one ever went out and no one ever came into this locality, and with good reason. You see, the village was completely surrounded by very dense and dangerous woods on all sides. The villager never went further than the parts that the called the 'clear trees'. They called it so because the trees of the border area were spaced farther apart, so there was a lot of sunlight coming through the foliage and visibility was clearer. Some brave ones had once ventured into the 'dark trees', meaning the dense, thick-foliaged inner parts of the woods, but sadly none ever returned to tell the tale of their adventure.

"So the villager of this little isolated locality had to become self-sufficient. There was a field on one side of the village where they grew some crops, and on the other side of the field, somewhere in the Clear Trees, there was a stream where fish was available. Because it was a tiny village, this was more than enough for the few people who lived there.

"Now in this tiny isolated village lived a young man named Bjorn. He was a good man — kind, friendly, helping, simple — every trait that would make anybody very popular and well-loved, Bjorn was the embodiment of it. He was an orphan, his father was one of the braves who ventured into the Dark Trees but never returned, and his mother went mad and committed suicide when he didn't return even after a long time. Though an orphan, Bjorn was not alone, he had four younger brothers who were equally virtuous, albeit young and sometimes impish.

"Bjorn's father used to be the leader of the village in his lifetime. So after he presumably passed, Bjorn was asked to be the leader, and the young man rose to the occasion magnificently. He was a just leader, fair and considerate. There was hardly ever trouble in their little paradise of a community, but if ever a problem arose, and it was always from the same source, Bjorn resolved it without any hue or cry.

"You notice how I said the troubles rose from a single source? That source was a group of three friends, Aldis, Baltsar and Kresimir. These three boys were young, mid-teens I suppose, but their 'rap-sheets' were long and rich ones. Almost 99% of the troubles that happened in the village, they were the root of it. And every time Bjorn would kindly, but firmly, talk to the boys, admonish them if necessary, and generally try to make them understand that they should not do what they have done.

"'After all, they are but children', the kind man would say, 'no older than my youngest brother'.

"Every time the three little devils would promise to never repeat their evil deeds, really most of their deeds were evil, ever again. True to their word, they wouldn't repeat their tricks, but they would invent new ones. The problem was, with passing time, their tricks got viler and viler.

"The reason for this was that, while everyone loved and esteemed Bjorn, these three boys hated him. Their hatred had no rhyme or reason, it was just… hate. And this hate is what drove them to do such a thing that is, till date, hated in every community and corner of the Earth."

***Not made up 100% true. Got it off of the official website of the Quileute nation.  
**

**** Again true, ask any Quileute elder!  
**

**Author's Note: So what do you think folks? Wanna kill me for that cliff-hanger? But if you do, how will you know the rest? Don't worry, I won't disappear on you all this time. Next chapter with the rest of the story will be along shortly. **

**XOXOXO to any and all who review. Enjoy!**


	8. 8 Legends 2

**8**

"The irrational hatred for Bjorn that Aldis, Baltsar and Kresimir had, drove the three boys to commit, by far, their most desperate act", Sue continued.

"Bjorn was a very trusting man and never doubted people, probably because people of those times were simple and clear-cut. So when one morning, when the boys came to Bjorn's cottage looking very excited and asking if they could talk to him, , Bjorn simply smiled a little and asked,

'What is the matter? Why are you so jumpy?'

'Oh Bjorn, um, ah…' Kresimir stuttered.

Baltsar who was clearly the leader of the trio spoke up, but even he was stuttering, 'we, um, we… we found something.'

'What did you find?' Bjorn asked.

'It is hard to describe. It, err, it looks like a…' and again Baltsar faltered.

'It is a skeleton', blurted out Aldis.

'A skeleton?!' Bjorn was bewildered, 'where did you find a skeleton?'

At this Kresimir spoke, 'I was looking for fire wood in the Clear Trees. Ah, and um, Balt and Al were with me, to help, and we came across it'.

'But that is not the problematic part', Baltsar said.

'Then what is?' asked the leader, his curiosity awoken despite his bewilderment.

The boys looked at each others' faces. It was clear they were unsure of what to do and how to express themselves. They weren't the type to ask for help.

Finally Aldis spoke, 'the bones look human but are not of any material we recognize.'

'How so?'

'I told you it is hard to describe', Baltsar said. 'You tell him' he looked at Aldis.

'Why me?' the boy looked positively mortified.

'Because you found it', Kresimir said looking at his friend pleadingly.

'It is alright. Calm down. Take you time', Bjorn reassured the boys. He did not like the youngsters being so worked up.

'Well, um, the… they look, ah, yellow and hard, and, err, made a clink sound when I hit it with the cutter' Aldis said, and by cutter he meant his flint-knife.

Bjorn looked confused, _what are these boys talking about, _he wondered. Whatever it was as the leader, it was his duty to keep things under control. If this information was true and it got out before he had a chance to investigate and gather answers, there could be a full on panic in the community.

Thinking quickly and making up his mind fast, Bjorn asked, 'Where exactly did you find this?'

The boys pointed in the direction of the woods that was on the other side of the village, opposite to where the field was.

'That area is very out-of-the-way and less frequented by us. Why did you go there? You could have gotten hurt', the leader chided the teens.

'That is why we went there. Because it is less frequented', said Kresimir looking ashamed.

'We thought it would be an adventure', Baltsar said in a small voice.

'Some adventure! You look scared out of your wits', Bjorn said, exasperated.

'Show me'.

'Oh no!' Aldis yelped, 'I'm not going back there'.

'No one is making you go there', Bjorn reassured the boy. 'Just show me the spot where from I can enter the trees and easily find it, and you can go back home'.

'I will take you to it', Baltsar said putting on a brave front. 'I am not afraid of some yellow bones. You two go home. Come leader I will show you'.

At this Kresimir and Aldis scurried off like rats and Baltsar was left with Bjorn.

'Mikel, look after your brothers. I am going out and I may be a while' Bjorn called to his second brother.

'Where are you going with him?' Mikel asked, coming out of the cottage, looking doubtfully towards Baltsar.

'It is no matter, really. Just see to the boys, yes?'

'Alright, return soon, and take your cutter', Mikel pointed at the knife stuck in the soil of the vegetable patch where his elder brother had been working that morning.

'There is no need for that, I am sure. There is no danger is there Balt?" Bjorn asked the young boy.

'No no, none at all. See even I do not have my cutter', Baltsar pointed at his empty belt.

And with this Bjorn departed with Baltsar.

As they walked Bjorn made the boy repeat the story of the discovery, which Baltsar did accurately. Bjorn seemed convinced and the two entered and walked through the Clear Trees in relevant silence.

'Where is it?' asked Bjorn as he noticed the light getting lesser; the canopy was getting thicker.

'Not too long now. A little further on', came Baltsar's reply. He was a few steps ahead of the leader. They kept on walking for a while more. The young boy led the leader in an irregular pattern through the trees and not in a straight path due to which it felt like they were walking a long way.

After some time, Baltsar started to whistle. It was a strange tune, and as the mocking jays picked it up, a very eerie mood was set.

Suddenly, Baltsar sped up and disappeared in the thickening trees leaving Bjorn alone and puzzled.

'Balt where did you go?' Bjorn yelled. But no reply came. Bjorn continued to walk in the direction Baltsar had disappeared. He did not look back because there was nothing but trees everywhere. So he did not anticipate what happened next.

All of a sudden, something rushed at him from the trees and struck him in the head very hard. Bjorn lost balance and fell over, but no sooner had he fallen to the ground that something, or rather, somebody started beating him. It was Baltsar, Kresimir and Aldis. The latter two had nor gone home but had come into the woods and hid there. Baltsar's whistling was the signal for their meeting; it had not been mocking jays copying the whistle, it had been the other two delinquents saying 'all ready'!

The three boys beat Bjorn without mercy and without pause for a long time. They kicked him, and punched him, and hit him with thick heavy clubs. They smashed his bones and cracked his skull to bits. Bjorn didn't even get a chance to defend himself; he was, as the army would say today, neutralized. He could hear the little devils insult and debase him but he could do nothing in protest.

After a long time, the delinquents stopped. The leader was lying in a pool of his own blood; it was a sight that would make even the men with the strongest stomachs hurl. The bloody man on the forest floor looked dead. And thinking just that, the three assaulters went off home, singing and making jokes.

But Bjorn wasn't dead. He was alive but barely. As he lay dying, a prayer issued from his heart. It was a prayer to the earth deity the people of that village worshiped, _Dhara. _Bjorn prayed to the god to protect the people of the village from the evil within their hearts, he prayed for the salvation of the three young boys on whom some evil influence must have fallen to make them do such a thing, and lastly he prayed for the well-being of his four younger brothers and that Mikel may be a better leader than he was. He prayed over and over and over again. But not once did the noble man pray for himself.


	9. 9 Could it be?

**9**

"Hearing such a selfless yet heart wrenching prayer for so long, _Dhara_ was moved. He spoke to the dying man through the soil on which he lay,

'You are dying my son, and yet you pray for the salvation of your killers and not yourself. Why?"

'Because Father, they are young and have time to redeem themselves. I am coming to you and to my parents who reside with you. My salvation is there'.

This moved _Dhara_ even more. The deity said, 'You are truly a great man Bjorn, and I will be doing your world no favor, by bringing you to me. So live my son. Take the vigor from the White Oak, the longevity from the sun, the speed from the wind, the never-ending youth from the earth. Let the ever-lasting love of your brethren replenish your heart. Live for ever as the world need men such as you.'

And as the words were spoken, all the strength, agility and life-force rushed back into Bjorn, and they were strengthened a hundred folds. No one could have known that this was a man dying a few moments ago. He had never been stronger faster or more alive ever before. All his injuries were healed. He could see better, smell better, heat clearer. He had always been good-looking, but now he was positively radiant.

As he stood up straight, Bjorn marveled at the fluidity of his movements. But he was also disturbed. He felt a strange burning sensation at the back of his throat. No sooner had he noticed this, that the wind made the leaves rustle and _Dhara's_ words were heard, 'Yes it burns. And it will burn for you are no longer man. You are _Shashwat_, the everlasting. You are now perpetual and to remain so you must drink the blood of your enemy once every 40 days, not at longer or lesser intervals'.

'But I am not a killer. I do not wish anybody's harm', Bjorn said and was instantly taken aback by the clarity and bell-like ring of his voice.

'Dear son, no need to kill to drink his blood. You now have the power to Influence him and make him forget that which you do not want him to remember'.

Hearing this Bjorn was filled with even more marvel. But _Dhara _was not done. He gave Bjorn some advice and warning,

'Remember son _Shashwat,_ the power I have given you bestows on you a great responsibility. You must use it to do good the way you have done till now. And beware; the very things that have given you your life also hold the ability to take it away. While the wind may not pose a threat, the sun can take away your immortality; the White oak can shatter the armor that is your skin'.

'I will be careful Father'.

'You will have to be. For the love man had once shown you may be replaced with fear and then they can keep you out of their homes and also kill you once the know your weaknesses'.

'But my brothers…'

'To save them, for they are in danger, you must then give them your blood and then replicate death; give them such a mortal injury that will mirror yours. Then they too shall be_ Shashwat'._

'Oh Father I will. I love them too much to part with them ever. But…' but _Dhara_ didn't let Bjorn finish.

'Take heart, you will find some one you will love even more, your soul mate. You will find solace in her, for with her you can communicate through your heart as you can with none else. With her you will find an eternity of love and fulfillment. But she must be as you, or else you will perish when she does.'

'Yes Father.'

'Go now son, the sun is gone and your brothers need you. Your tormentors are not sparing them but heed my warning for they are your and your loved ones' companion from here to eternity', and with this the wind died down and _Dhara_ was once more silent.

But Bjorn was alarmed. He had not noticed the night fall as the canopy was so thick over head. But what trouble had befallen his brothers?

He ran to the village and was again struck by his speed; he had gotten to the village from the Dark Trees within seconds. But he didn't have time to wonder about that, the sight he saw took his breath away. His home was on fire and he could hear all his brothers trapped inside and burning alive. He rushed to their aid, and just in time. The cottage was all but gone, so entered easily and pulled all his brothers out. He then asked several men to help him carry his barely living brothers into the Clear Trees.

Once that was done, he influenced everyone, except Kresimir, Baltsar and Aldis, to leave and stay away. Bjorn then transformed his brothers the way _Dhara _had instructed. Once his brothers were awake and alert, he informed and instructed them as _Dhara_ had instructed him. Mikel being the most hot-headed wanted to kill the three killers right there. But Bjorn stopped him. He told his brothers of the responsibility that was now theirs, and that they should practice it wisely.

So the five _Shashwat_ committed no murder. They only drank a little blood from the three miscreants and Influenced them to forget it all. After that, Bjorn and his brothers lived a long time in the little isolated village. They spread love and conviviality among all and even Influenced the miscreant trio to modify their ways.

The brothers only left when their ever-lasting youth had become noticeable. What happened after they left the village, or whether they found soul mates or not, is unknown.

But this much is known: Bjorn, Mikel and their three brothers are the first known vampires on earth."

And with this Professor Sue Clearwater ended her story about the vampires, and yanked me back to the present, where we were all gathered around a bonfire, under the open sky on La Push beach to listen to folklore and legends.

Everyone clapped 'Bravo-ed' Sue for the amazing tale. Compliments were given and thank you-s were said. Others were asked to tell more stories and more stories were told, but I didn't pay attention. Sue's story had touched a chord. Especially the part about soul mates communicating through the heart. What if my visions of Edward were just that? Could it be that he had become a _Shashwat_? I knew nothing of these things. I was never much taken by the supernatural. But what if this was the case? What if the supernatural existed? What if Edward had become a part of it? I had to know for sure. I wasn't making any sense to myself, but one thing did make sense: I had to dig for answers. And the best place to start was sitting on Billy's right, the person who had told the story to peak my curiosity — Professor Sue Clearwater.


	10. 10 Searching

**10**

I didn't sleep that night after I got back home. I had eaten at the bonfire, so all I had to do was change and then I began work. I sat at the island in the kitchen and turned on my laptop. The wallpaper was a picture of Ed and me taken three days before he went to China. Every time I saw it I wanted to cry , but I never did, I'm not sure why I didn't but I just didn't. But now I can't afford to cry. I had to find some answers. If I was to interrogate Sue Clearwater on a topic she knew and loved, I had to educate myself to be able to ask the appropriate questions, and not look like a pure deranged buffoon. I knew Sue was going to stay with Billy for at least the next whole month. So I had time and I was going to make good use of it.

I went online and browsed the net. I typed the word 'vampire' (that blood drinking part made me think that the _Shashwat _were a kind of vampire) into Google, and was shocked.

187, 000, 000 results! Seriously?! This was a bloody bottomless ocean and I was hoping for a kiddy pool of fundamentals. How was I supposed to find fundamental knowledge here?

I sat dazed for a while. Then I turn to the one site that had so far never let me down: Wikipedia. Their article on vampires was very long and quite informative. Then I browsed through the list and selected a few other sites. Each site had something different to say. Some sites analyzed vampires on the basis of some fiction books. Some were an utter waste of time. Some debunked the vampire lore in a step-by-step, methodical manner.

Many of the sites like squidoo, crystalinks, tripod, thinkquest, and a few others held some actual information. They gave me details about the myths and legends related to vampires that are popularly believed. These sites even went on to clarify some common misnomer that people of the olden days had about diseases like porphyria, tuberculosis, etc.

I read and read and read. There were sites that explained the background of Vlad Tepes, AKA Dracula; there were blogs that explained the biblical origins of vampires, like with Cain and Lilith; there were sites that even mentioned some pagan and pre-Christian lore about vampires. There was one site, VampiresAZ, which true to its name listed the different names and traits of vampires from around the world from A to Z.

However, I didn't find Sue's story of the _Shashwat_ anywhere. Yes there were some elements of the story scattered about in many of the legends I found and read, but that very one was nowhere to be found. At one point I wondered if Sue had made it up for the night's story-telling session. But then I discarded that idea and plunged into my online research again.

There was just so much stuff on the net that I totally lost track of the time. I read through the night and didn't even realize when dawn had broken and when the sun had risen. It was when that Newton kid from next door blasted on his car stereo as he pulled out the driveway to go to school, that my concentration broke.

I almost jumped out of my skin and nearly fell off the chair when this happened. And then I looked around as if I was seeing my own kitchen for the first time, because it was then that I realized what I had done. I had sat there at the kitchen island, in my PJ's, poring over the laptop and doing 'research' and making notes about vampires. All through the night. I could almost here what my sister and sister-in-law would say if they heard this. I made a mental note never to tell them.

As I made and ate breakfast, I pondered over what I had done and was still planning to continue to do. I had to know as much as I could about these beings that could alternately be called _Vampyre, Upier, Adze, Strigoi, Nosferatu, __Brahmaparush,__Doppelsauger, __Kuang-shi, Lobishomen, Shashwat,_ and God knew what else. The list goes on.

When I finished eating and had cleared away the bowl and spoon, I brewed myself a strong pot of coffee, cleared the next few days for no interruptions and got to 'researching' again. It was three more days of non-stop researching, very little sleep, plenty of strong coffee and no contact with anyone at all that I was finally satisfied with all that I had learned.

I went through all my notes and finally declared myself fit to meet Dr. Sue Clearwater.

* * *

**Author's Note:**** i know i was away for a long time. but i'm back now. **

**and i will not disappear again now.**

**so hope you enjoy. ;D**


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